Alcoholic Energy Drinks: Tasty Enough For Children

It looks like someone might be out to destroy Anheuser-Busch and the Miller Brewing Company - but come on, it's not like they're putting alcohol in energy drinks...right?

OK. Well it's not like teenagers are the biggest consumers of energy drinks...right?

Fine. But can you blame 'Big Alcohol' for trying to capitalize on the booming energy drink market? It's the Joe Camel ratio: the earlier you start them, the higher their LCV.

A recent Ad Age article mentions that A-B and Miller (the respective 'brewers' of TILT and SPARKS) are facing a lawsuit from the Center for Science and Public Interest - or CSPI. You may recognize some of its amazing work on lawsuits like:

1) Smuckers 100% Jam because it's not 100% berries
2) KFC et al - over Trans Fat
3) Soda ban in public schools
4) and my favorite: Kellogg lawsuit over its marketing to kids. Ridiculous.

I can't wait to see the adult spots for: Poptarts, Eggo waffles, and Cocoa Krispies.

So the CSPI is suing A-B and Miller for "deceptive marketing" over the combination of alcohol and stimulants in Tilt and Sparks. According to AdAge, the CSPI also suggests that the lack of advertising for these drinks IMPLIES that the stimulants "counteract the effects of alcohol." And to top it off, the colors and packaging may appeal to underage buyers.

OK. Let's pick this lawsuit apart as a marketer:

1) Underage Buyers - Yes, these "adult energy" products look like every other energy drink on the shelf. By entering this market, A-B and MBC are looking to pick up some profit with "cash cow" products. Genius. Energy drinks like Monster and Rockstar epitomize the 'extreme' image sold to young males - have you noticed Monster's X-game sponsorships?

Here are the facts: a 19 year-old professional snowboarder isn't much different from his 22 year-old counterpart. But when both athletes choose an energy drink, only one can buy alcohol. If A-B and MBC want to cash-in, they've got to hit this same 'extreme' market. These brewers have positioned their adult energy products perfectly - a) cash-cow product, a) no tv advertising, and c) placed with the other alcohol, not energy drinks. Case Closed.

2) No FDA approval - Yes, the combination of alcohol and stimulants is not approved by the FDA. Are there health risks associated with drinking alcohol? Yup. How bout with energy drinks? Yup. But neither company denies these risks.

If I can buy 500 capsules of ExtenZ male enhancement (unapproved), don't I deserve a drink like Sparks to take the edge off when they don't work?

The CSPI complains, "these companies are intentionally spiking their products with stimulants." But isn't that the point of alcoholic energy drinks?

Unless Sparks is placed in the energy drink cooler with a new cartoon mascot, it should be left alone with all the other products that require an ID. How else are you supposed to stay awake on your drive home?

Hit Me.

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